Portrait of seductive couple dressed up like vampires for halloween carnival

How to become Immortal?

1. Eat A Mermaid

Fantasy woman real mermaid myth goddess of sea.

A young Japanese girl happened upon some of that sweet monkey-fish mermaid meat. After eating it, the girl was magically granted immortality, and because of her inability to age, decided to become a Buddhist priestess.

2. Annoy Jesus

Girl desires win bottom heart supplicating seriosuly clench teeth frowning close eyes begging lord

Although not exactly biblical canon, there has been a story circulating for approximately 800 years about a man who achieved immortality via an encounter with Jesus.

3. Preserving Your Brain to Be Put in Another Body in the Future

Another method for achieving comfort that you’ll continue to live after death is to have a reliable way to preserve your brain once you pass, with the belief that it’ll be either

1) put into another body later (not my favorite idea), or 2) it’ll be downloaded into a digital form to live permanently in cyberspace. I much prefer the second option because transferring to another body seems like a mere postponing of the inevitable, plus it seems hard. But perhaps it’s several times easier than digital transfer.

4. Become A Zombie

Zombie woman with bloody face

Becoming a zombie is one of the most surefire ways to ensure you will live forever, though technically, you’ll be undead. It may not be the most pleasant or fulfilling existence – and you’ll have to eat a lot of humans due to your perpetual hunger – but becoming a zombie should do the trick.

5. Get Bit by A Vampire

Portrait of young man dressed up like Dracula looking at the neck of his vampire woman

Most vampire legends assume vampires are immortal in that they will never age. Vampires can still be slain – whether by the aforementioned sunlight, not drinking enough blood, or getting staked in the heart – which is a pretty effective way to take out anybody.


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