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How To Ask A Guy What His Intentions Are?

1. Just ask!

There is no shame in being direct, and it’s probably the quickest way to get an answer. Asking a guy where he sees the relationship going has the added benefit of showing him that you’re not a pushover.

Young couple talking outdoors

2. Don’t qualify it.

Qualification is an easy trap to fall into because we all want to be liked (especially by the person we’re into) and we don’t want to pressure people. But asking a guy about his intentions is not a big ask.

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4. Consider how you would answer the question if the tables were turned.

Consider how you would answer the question if the tables were turned. Fear of rejection may have you desperate to know how he feels about you, but how do you feel about him? If he says he wants to make things official, would you want to as well?

Thumbs down, bored and portrait of a woman in a studio with a disagreement or negative expression.

5. Don’t leave it too long.

The longer you leave it, the more awkward it will be. You don’t want to find out six months into a relationship that you both have wildly different views of where you’re headed.

Embarrassed Couple at Family Therapist

6. Tell him what your intentions are.

What you’re wanting is greater transparency, so why not be transparent yourself? After all, it will be easier for him to be open and vulnerable if you’re being open and vulnerable as well.

Vulnerable adult traumatized unhappy alone in pain couple

7. Avoid asking in a roundabout way.

You could waste years of your life trying to get a straight answer to an indirect question. Questions such as “Do you want children?” or “When do you see yourself getting married?” will likely lead to unsatisfying answers.

Couple talking serious in a cafe

8. Even if you get a straightforward answer, take some time to observe his actions.

We all know that actions speak louder than words. If he tells you that he wants to be serious but continues to act as if he’s single, trust your instincts. No conversation can compensate for conflicting actions. If he’s serious about you, he will show it.

Thinking woman with glasses

9. Don’t treat it like a big deal.

The danger of waiting a while before asking is that you build the conversation up in your mind to be a huge, pivotal moment in the relationship.

Portrait of clever young woman thinking alone

10. Do it in person.

If you’re nervous about asking him about his intentions, you may be contemplating doing it over text. But this is not the time for texting. You need to be face to face in order to pick up on all his non-verbal queues.

Contemplating woman

11. If you have to ask, it could be a red flag.

If you’ve been together for a while and still don’t know how he feels about you, it may be more appropriate to ask why you don’t feel secure in the relationship than where he sees it going.


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